Another California Beauty Queen Wants Gays Put to Death

Lauren Ashley, set to represent Beverly Hills in the upcoming Miss California pageant, told a reporter "The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman... [and] 'If a man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman... [he] shall surely be put to death,'" quoting Leviticus. "The Bible is pretty black and white," the retard California beauty queen said.

Carrie Prejean, also a former California beauty queen turned amateur porn starlet and Christian spokesperson, didn't exactly expect homosexuals to be put to death, but echoed similarly retarded statements at the Miss USA beauty pageant last year. Prejean claimed her "personal views" on homosexuality and religion cost her the title.

Beauty queens are not known for their education, wisdom, intelligence, or empathy, but should be careful when quoting The Bible, as it clearly allows for one to offer his wife or daughter in lieu of payment - even sell them into slavery! Leviticus in particular also says the smell of burning bulls is pleasing unto the Lord and so bulls should be burned alive... to please the Hebrew God.

Christians favor homosexual sex with male children. But they won't marry them.

© C Harris Lynn, 2010

Celebratory Gunfire at Wedding Leads to Tragedy

21-year old Pankaj Kishore Karotia's new wife was waiting in the car. The couple was moments away from setting out on their honeymoon and their new life together when Karotia's uncle fired a celebratory shot from his licensed pistol. The bullet went astray, striking the young groom in the head and killing him.

The uncle was attempting to load his pistol when it went off prematurely. The uncle was arrested for culpable homicide. Authorities say gunfire has become increasingly common at lavish Indian weddings in recent years.

© C Harris Lynn, 2010

Vampire to Wed Teen Bride?

Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey is a self-proclaimed "satanic vampire and hectate [sic] witch" who ran for governor of Minnesota in 2006. Now, he's run-off with his would-be teenaged bride and they're on a collision course with wackiness in a heart-warming adven... Actually, they're taunting the girl's family through blog posts on a public, area website and YouTube videos.

The 16-year old girl went willingly, which is not against the law in Minnesota as The Impaler can in no way be considered an "authority figure" of hers, and her mother admits she does not fear for her daughter's safety, but the mother called the FBI after reading a threatening blog post by Sharkey.

© C Harris Lynn, 2010

Groom to Marry Dead Fiancee

A 25-year old London designer is going ahead with his wedding... despite the fact that his fiancee died in a car crash last October!

Alan Hooley plans to wear the tuxedo the couple decided upon and walk the aisle, decorated with the carnations his fiancee had chosen, in front of some 250 guests (including friends and family) on May 2^nd. He will wear a chain sporting a diamond made of 21-year old Charlotte Simpson's compressed ashes. Simpson's parents, sisters, and Hooley’s mother will also get diamonds made from Charlotte Simpson's compressed ashes, valued at nearly $15k each.

A party on Charlotte's birthday will help raise the money to pay for the wedding, which will be, "...exactly how she had planned it. I want to get it as close to the wedding as possible," according to Alan.

© C Harris Lynn, 2008

I Now Pronounce You Man and Dog

An Indish man has married a dog in hopes of lifting what he thinks is a curse.

33-year old P Selvakumar of the Sivaganga district stoned two dogs to death several years back. Since then, he has gone blind and fallen prey to paralyzation. Selvakumar believes his run of extremely "bad luck" is connected to this incident.

Selvakumar was perfectly healthy 15 years back, but after stoning two dogs to death, his health began to fail. He says he tried every cure imaginable, but nothing helped, so on the advice of astrologers and several others, he decided to marry a dog.

The practice is actually not uncommon in Selvakumar's culture. Superstitious Indians often marry animals in attempts to ward off curses. But it really isn't so far removed from Western society; many of us marry bitches, too.

OH COME ON! You knew it was coming.